Vertigo

I've been reading lots of stories about sick people and their hospital experiences lately, so I've decided to share my own story about the time that I had a sudden medical emergency and the hospital stay that resulted. This was a first for me as a hospital in-patient, rather than as a visitor to family or friends.

What happened was that on an exceptionally hot summer day in Manhattan several years ago, while I was completely suited up and carrying some heavy documents, I noticed that the ground seemed to sway beneath my feet. By the time I arrived home, the room was spinning wildly and I barely made it onto the bed. When it became clear after several hours that my condition was not going to improve, my wife called an ambulance, and EMS carried me out on a chair and took me with a blaring siren to Maimonides Hospital, the best in Brooklyn.

During this time I was convinced that I was going to have a stroke. I regretted every fattening meal I had ever eaten in my life -- I love all the things I shouldn't eat-- and pondered whether to promise God that if he spared me, I would totally reform. Considering this would include not eating another pastrami sandwich or hot dog for the rest of my life, I decided to wait and see whether I could pull through without such a drastic commitment.

I was quickly "admitted" at Maimonides-- the medical equivalent to being a "made man"--and awaited speedy medical intervention, which to my astonishment did not arrive for some time in the crowded ER. Eventually, following an examination and tests, I was told I had Vertigo. My mind raced to recall the Alfred Hitchcock film with this title. The doctor said it was a common problem involving a disruption in the inner ear, which causes balance problems until it goes away. I was so relieved that I was alive and not having a stroke that I (almost) didn't mind spending the night in a noisy and brightly-lighted ER with a needle taped into my arm; a hospital robe completely open in the back; a bedpan instead of a bathroom; a nurse who woke me up in order to give me a sleeping pill; and an orderly who woke me up again after the sleeping pill worked to mop and clean up around my bed. My wife was very supportive.

By the next morning, I was feeling much better and pleased to learn that my case had been included on that day's list for grand rounds. The senior medical doctor escorting the interns came to my bedside, reviewed my telltale symptoms, and then totally burst my bubble when he informed them with a big smile that the technician who did my CAT Scan had written in his report that my images "looked like a brain that had never been used!"

Fortunately for me, I was discharged from the hospital shortly thereafter, the vertigo slowly dissapated, and I haven't had a single reoccurrence since then.